Book Highlight: If I Stay


There’s an easy way to tell if I’m feeling sad and depressed or trying to run away from a personal situation in my life that’s causing me pain: I read. I know this sounds silly, but I’ve always looked to books for an escape. It’s so much easier to deal with a fictional character’s pain and emotions rather than my own… so I lose myself in books to avoid dealing with my own life.

ย Three years ago, I had to have my tonsils and adenoids removed and sinus surgery all on the same day. I heard and read that this was one of the most painful recoveries ever. For once, the internet and webMD weren’t lying. The only recovery worse than that was from having the twins BUT even THAT recovery lasted less than a week while recovering from tonsil surgery took a full 14 days of torture. So what did I do? I read. A lot. I read every single Harry Potter book in less than two weeks. I probably should have called Guiness because I feel like that’s a record or something. In between my drug induced naps, I lost myself in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter and it helped so much. It made those two weeks fly by and made me focus on something else other than the constant pain in my throat and my inability to eat anything. Even if the books weren’t that great (but they were!), I will always hold a special place in my heart for Harry and his friends for helping me through such a hard time in my life. I know most people have read the books, but if you haven’t, do it.. it’ll change your life.f8b3f5f522ed4770e1986bc5f36265c3

Anyway, last week wasn’t the best week ever so this weekend I spent most of my time reading. I know I’m probably behind on this, but I read “If I Stay” followed by the sequel “Where She Went” and let me just say this: holyfuckingshit. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so traumatized after reading a fictional story. These books are not for the faint of heart or for anyone that doesn’t feel like crying. And I wasn’t just crying here or there.. it was a full on snot fest for the entire length of the first book. At some points, the tears were flowing so quickly that I couldn’t even read the words on my Kindle. I went to bed Saturday night feeling like I had nothing left to live for. LOL. I know that sounds ridiculous but the book was SO good and SO touching that I felt like I went through everything Mia (the main character) did. (And let me just add: this -fictional- girl went through one of the worst possible scenarios for anyone to ever go through.)


The second book had a much happier ending and definitely helped me to recover from the first. If you’re a girl and need a good tearjerker, I definitely recommend these. If you’re feeling down, by the end of it, you’ll realize you have nothing to complain about. Life could be so much worse. It’s so weird how certain things happen in your life at just the right moments. I was browsing the book store on my Kindle for a new book thinking I would read “Gone Girl” and ended up choosing this one. Or maybe it chose me. But it was EXACTLY what I needed to read and so applicable to my life right now. I feel refreshed. I feel happy again. And a part of me will always be in those pages. I have a lot of little parts of me scattered in my favorite books that I often go back and re-read to find myself again. With that being said, it might be awhile before I start another series or a new book. It’s going to take me awhile to recover from this one and I just wanted to share while the impact was fresh to hopefully not be the only goofball that’s left brokenhearted after finishing a really good book. ๐Ÿ™‚ I definitely have one of these right now:



4 thoughts on “Book Highlight: If I Stay

  1. Felicia

    Omg no wonder I like and get you! We are so alike! Sometimes I think I have multiple personality disorder, I can either love completely or totally not give a fuck! I’m so black and white and never gray it’s not even funny! I totally get into books to escape and honestly haven’t picked up another since my last about a year ago bec I was so saddened by it… And now that I think about it I can’t even remember what the title was, how horrible! Oh but my life has been stupid for the past year so it’s mo wonder haha! Anyway maybe I should start blogging! I’m up every damn night at 3am anyway! When I signed up for mommy hood I thought the sleepless nights ended when they started sleeping through the nights? But then I would still wake up just to check if he was breathing bec why should a baby sleep through the night unless he had stopped breathing!!! How silly I should have enjoyed those nights bec age 3 came around and a cruel twist of fate called diabetes came around and oh you like to sleep feliciA? Well sorry you’ll never have a full nights sleep again! Blahhhh T1D gets both my middle fingers everyday! Well, update… Yesterday morning I was so sure old pdm and old pods were the answer and when 3:30 this morning rolled around it was much to my dismay that I looked into that little window and saw the cannula out ๐Ÿ˜• now my son has been diabetic 10 years and I rarely give him or myself the “luxury” of a pity party, but please tell me I’m not the only one who has sat and stared and cried at the sheer inability to comprehend wth to do next? ๐Ÿ˜ž that lasted about one minute then I cursed as many curse words as I could think of in a 30 second interval then got up and prepared another pod, which accidentally got the adhesive stuck to itself and had to prepare another. After unsuccessfully being able to pull out the insulin I had just filled and realizing we went through a whole vial in a week I made a pot of coffee and am listening to the music of a Dexcom CGM telling me the pod of not yet working well… Good morning to you to T1D… Ok rant over, thanks for listening and totally getting it Bec I know your mom has been here!


    • i dont “sometimes” think.. i always know i have multiple personalities! LOL. whether or not this blog turns into anything, it’s been therapeutic at the very least. i say start one.. maybe about sam’s journey with diabetes and how hard it is to watch your baby go through that. i’m sure there’s tons of moms out there feeling the same way wishing they had someone to rant/vent/whine to! i honestly don’t know how you do it, aubrey and jace have been sleeping through the night since 4 months and i am a HORRIBLE person if i’m sleep deprived. but if it makes you feel better, for at least the first 6 months of having the twins, i very often stared out into the night sky crying wondering how to keep on.. from the constant crying, the acid reflux, the surgery for Aubrey, etc. it was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to go through. but we both know we’d do it again in a heartbeat for our kids. you’re a great mom and hopefully one day sam would get a break that you both so desperately need and his diabetes will keep quiet for awhile. you and my mom are supermoms for going through this. i respect and look up to both of you so much!


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