Dear Internet Diary [DID], I definitely count myself as one of the dreamers. I will obsess over something that I want for days, weeks, even months. I will stay up all night thinking about it and how to make it attainable. And no matter how far fetched these dreams might be, I always find a tiny speck of hope that maybe, just maybe, it is possible.
The worst part about being a dreamer is when you’re not a doer as well. I dream and dream but I never really follow through. Life played a cruel joke on me when they gave me this wonderful ability to create elaborate scenarios in my head but no skill set to accomplish these tasks. Haha, life.
For instance, I really like to write. I really like to sing except that I’m horrible at it. Really really bad. People at karaoke would boo me off stage, seriously. But every now and then, I’ll dream of being a singer. The stage, the lights, the screaming fans that adore everything you do and say.. And that tiny speck of hope I was talking about? I’ll convince myself late at night that I could get a voice coach and be at least okay with a lot of editing and then I can write my own songs and be the next Taylor Swift. (gotta give the girl her dues, she’s got guts) Then, I’ll be singing in my car the next day and maybe send a snapchat video to a friend of me singing and realize.. holy shit.. no amount of help could EVER make this voice enjoyable. Dream crushed. On to the next one..
For being such a dreamer, one would think I would also have the wherewithal to at least follow some of them through. But, I also can be pretty realistic. I always know the limitations and the probabilities of a positive outcome every time I start dreaming.. and the longer I dream about something, the more I start thinking that there is no way possible that it will ever work out. And then I have to deal with being heartbroken. Crushed. Except it’s no one else’s fault but my own. I am and always have been the victim of my own misplaced hopes and dreams. But I’m also a dreamer, so… I still set myself up for it every single time. I think that’s the beauty of my life though.. No matter what happens, no matter what obstacles life has thrown at me, I have never lost hope.
I wrote this today because last night I cried myself to sleep as another one of my dreams seems to have hit a brick wall. This time, I’m not going to move on and dream a new dream (anyone catch this Tangled reference?). I’m going to figure out a way to climb that wall and make it happen. I’m tired of the realistic Kayla telling the Kayla that’s over there daydreaming by the window that it’s not possible. “Anything is possible, if you just believe” – Jiminy Cricket
I’m also writing this as a way to keep me accountable, that I won’t give up and I will continue: To write, to share, to stop being afraid of taking chances and stop caring about people’s opinions. I mean, come on.. I’m a nerd, I write poems, I’m cheesy.. cat’s out of the bag. There’s no turning back now. As Steven Tyler once sang, Dream On. 😉 What are some of your dreams that you think are unattainable? Just remember that they aren’t. Go after what you want and never look back..