Winter. It’s cold. It’s dark. Everything is dead. People really like this season?! Because if so, these people are assholes. Lover of all things miserable.
Born and raised in south Louisiana aka the humid tropical rainforest of the United States, I have always recoiled from cold weather. It physically hurts me. If we could just merge spring and fall together and have that weather 75% of the time and summer 25% of the time, I’d be one happy human.
The low has been in the 50s over here for a week now and I hate it.. so.. here’s a list of the things I hate the most about my least favorite season:
8) The freezing car seats. When I sit in my car and any inch of my skin comes into contact with that cold leather, I literally shriek and panic. My hands cannot move fast enough to turn my heater on to 90 degrees. My muscles don’t relax until I’m sweating. Usually the cold outside and warm inside causes my windshields to fog up. But obviously safe driving isn’t as important as being warm and cozy. Duh.
7) Besides the arctic temps inside of my car during winter, I hate when my windshield is frosted over. We don’t have those nifty little gadgets that scrape the ice off. We like to live in denial that we even have a winter over here. So those mornings when I have to wait 20 minutes with the defroster and windshield wipers on full blast are especially annoying. AAANNNNNYYY day now, frost. No, please.. take your time. I have NOWHERE important to go today..
6) It gets dark. At 5 pm. Who the hell is done with their day by 5 pm?!?! No one. That’s who. Eat shit, daylight savings time.. eat shit. Because of you, we all gain those precious pounds back that we lost for summertime.
5) You cannot be cute AND warm. Sorry. It’s just not possible. 10 shirts + 5 scarves + 2 long johns + jacket = Michelin Man. The WORST is when we have somewhere nice to go that requires a dress. And it’s going to be 30 degrees. Do y’all realize how little stockings help in fending off the cold? I think someone should invent leggings and stockings with heaters built-in. Just saying.
4) The New Year’s Resolutions that no one cares about and no one follows through with. Shut up. You’re not going to be a “new me” this year – you failed last year. Oh and the year before that. Safe to say you’re just going to be the same douchebag you’ve always been.
3) Chapped lips. All. the. time. How are we supposed to cuddle and kiss someone with all that free time we have because it’s dark all the time IF WE HAVE RAZORBLADES FOR LIPS?!
2) Cold feet. The floor is always cold so your feet are always cold… and then you pour what you THINK is a hot bath. You dip your feet in to check the temp and HOLYSHIT that’s hot! Except it’s not. You just poured a lukewarm bath thinking it was too hot because your feet are cold. Gahdamnit, I hate that. Nothing ruins my day like a lukewarm bath.
1) COLD TOILET SEATS!!! Just No. No. No. No. Nope.
Anyone else agree that winter is just the worst? At least there’s no mosquitoes in winter Feel free to share and comment if you agree with my distaste for the coldest time of the year!