Puppy Love

Standard

Puppy love, aka a simple infatuation or crush, is often felt by young people in adolescence. Most of us have probably experienced this at some point growing up. And most of us were probably completely “heartbroken” when our little crush didn’t turn into some serious, committed relationship before we even learned how to drive a car. 13e19d549c46ead0101c73b767adb492

As I’ve mentioned before, I started writing poetry when I was really young. Recently, I found a lot of my old poems I submitted to a poetry website well over a decade ago.

It’s so amusing to read all of these sad love poems I wrote when I was like 12. Really, Kayla? Love at 12. Hahahaha. You’d swear I had just lost the love of my life when in reality I had never even had my first kiss yet. Talking about being in someone else’s arms or missing their lips on mine when none of these things had EVER happened before. Omg, how ridiculous. I had quite the imagination!!! Maybe too many PG-13 chick flicks?!?!?! I’m going to blame A Walk to Remember, 10 Things I Hate About You, and all those other awesome late 90’s – early 2000’s movies that I spent my weekends watching (OMG the FEEEELS) e85de05d6a530439f280d42b843487c8894d2c7cbb045f4267396a2182fddeb4

Anyway, thought I’d share a couple today. The poems themselves are pretty cheesy but even cheesier realizing a little 12 year old sat at her desk in the afternoons writing these and daydreaming of boys that probably still thought girls had cooties. My mom must have started checking to see if I was sneaking out late at night… or if I was starting to sneak boys in. LOL.

Apologies

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect, but I’ll try my best anyway

I’m sorry I’m not good enough, will you ever love me someday?

I want to be with you, always and forever

But It’s too late and you don’t want me… ever

I’ll continue to waste my love on you and I’ll continue to hope

And when it’s time to move on, me and grief will cope

I’ll be sad for a long time and I’ll miss you much

But I can’t love you forever if your feelings aren’t such

I’m sorry I’m not good enough and sorry for wasting your time

I’m sorry that I can’t help it… that all I wish is that you were mine

b3f358b354c51cce4fc1344e268add51

If I had to guess, the person that poem was about probably had NO clue I liked him. I mean.. I’m writing about wasting love on him and wishing he was mine when he was (probably) off playing football and video games and had no clue I existed. I tended to do that a lot when I was little: crush on boys that I had never talked to before lol. Oh and the part “I want to be with you always and forever” hahahaha WOW. Well I surely wasn’t afraid of commitment before even turning into a teenager! WINNING.

Empty Thinking

Sitting here thinking that there’s an empty space in my bed

And you’re dancing in circles around in my head

Staring at the clock, watching the time go by

It’s been awhile now, yeah it’s been awhile

I’m remembering what it’s like to smile

I’m empty without you here, baby

Oh, life is just not quite the same

You’re to blame, you’re to blame

Wishing on shooting stars and 11:11s

Trying not to cry, please don’t make me cry

I’ll give happiness one more try

But every song… everything reminds me of you

Of us and all the things that we would do

I miss you and it’s hell here when you’re gone

Every second seems too long

You took my heart, you took my smile

Oh boy, it’s been awhile

Okay first off.. it’s been awhile? More like.. never. It’s been never since I had been with anyone. Where the hell did I come up with this romantic shit? Although I do remember any shooting star, 11:11, or dandelion was used for wishing for a boyfriend. Boy crazy, much?!

c6040b3e9f3c9220d71b9c1c0e1faf02

Well I think it’s safe to say, I probably scared the shit out of almost any guy that I was ever semi interested in by writing poems and having romantic fantasies in my head… and by just being totally creepy. Someone should have told me to worry more about playing with dolls or something. 😉 Hope y’all got a giggle or two out of my silliness!

Advertisements

Sparkles

Standard

My daughter is a typical 4 year old.. She wants to be just like her Momma. The beauty about this is that she already has the main ingredients to take after me: a strawberry tint to her hair, curls curls & more curls, a sassy attitude, a feisty temper, and freckles.

8ef0822e9b982d1d3e16fc4352cf7f94

The first freckle came out sometime last summer and when I found it, I couldn’t contain my excitement. “Look Aubrey, you have a freckle! Just like Momma!” Her face lit up like the 4th of July. From that day on, she has called them her “sparkles” and she periodically makes sure to count them and check that they didn’t somehow fade away.

Sometime this week, we were in the car and she started talking about her “sparkles.” “Momma, look my sparkles! I have a bunch! I’m just like YOU, Momma!” I beamed with pride. But after a few minutes, I started feeling sad.. what if she gets as many as me instead of the few cute ones she has now? What if she doesn’t always love her sparkles? I was the only one in my family with millions of freckles and I loved them until I was teased for them. Then, I spent over a decade trying to hide them. No doubt, one day, my little girl might come home in tears because someone will call her freckle-face or say how ugly they are. They are going to take something that she’s proud of and make her ashamed of who she is.. who she was born to be.. and something she absolutely cannot change even if she wants to.

In that moment, a poem formed in my head. I hope to instill in her an unshakeable foundation of self confidence and self love but, I will keep it just in case she needs it. In case she hates her sparkles one day.

Sparkles

I hope, babygirl, that you’re always proud

Of your self and the sparkles on your skin

Mama had the same growing up

But she was ashamed of them

Each new mark from the sun’s rays

Lights up your face aglow

Don’t ever let anyone tell you

That they need to cause you sorrow

Because, you see, the sparkles are lovely

Just like your precious face

And as you grow older

They will wish to be in your place

Your curls will make you different

And your skin will never tan

Do not get discouraged, darling

They’re all done by His hand

You were made just like your Mama

And right now that makes your day

And nothing could make me happier

Than if you stayed this way

Début: A little girl & her poems

Standard

About 20 years ago, I was a 6 year old girl and in the 1st grade. It was around this time that our teachers started encouraging us to write short stories and poems in class… Every year, they submitted the best ones to be published in a book for young authors. I think all my poems were published. They were silly, of course, but I quickly realized I was really good at writing and rhyming. And that was when my love for poetry began. I would spend hours after school writing poems. After my grandmother passed away when I was 9 and I started being bullied at school for other reasons, I turned to my writing as a form of therapy. My poems were really dark for such a young girl and frankly, my mother became terrified. Haha.

Screen Shot 2014-09-30 at 11.12.20 PM

5 yr old Kayla. Check out the strawberry curls 🙂

But, of course, I eventually stopped writing poems because people started making me feel embarrassed at school. Last year, miraculously, I came across a poetry site I remember from when I was younger. When I typed my name in, many of my old poems were STILL on there! It’s been a joy rereading them. It’s like my younger self is screaming out to my older self for help and my older self is now comforting her knowing she’s been there and she made it and everyone’s going to be okay. (Does that make sense?)

Recently, I decided to start writing again. My hope is that someone lost and alone stumbles upon this blog and finds the courage needed to know that everything will be okay and leave with a smile on their face. I’ll make sure I work up the courage to post the new poems on here but until then, I’d like to share some of my favorite poems from when I was a little girl. This one is called “Her Way” and I wrote it when I was probably 10ish and reminiscing on how I spent all my days as a kid under the sun running around and not having a care in the world. I just wanted to go back to a time and place where I didn’t give two shits what anyone said to me, about me, or what they thought of me. Growing up is rough. 🙂

Her Way

She’s used to wearing ponytails

Shorts and muscle shirts, too

Her favorite toy was the outdoors

She loved to be there with you

Her long red hair bounced on her back

Her freckles dotted her like stars

She was so young and so carefree

Now her heart has so many scars

Her life went by so quickly

As she continued trying to be herself

Her awards kept rolling in despite being bullied

She has them placed on her shelf

To be her younger self again

She’d trade everything she had

She walks around with a frown

But if she was young, she’d be glad

Running around in the sunlight

That’s what she’d do every day

She’d happily go back to that

If only she could have her way